if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize