she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
