Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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