I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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