we're blogging at a bar
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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