Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
