Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
