Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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