i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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