Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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