So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
