I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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