I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
