youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
