i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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