found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i now understand why vodka
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
