one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize