I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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