R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize