Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
