Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
