If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
