Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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