I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Too much gin, very little bucket
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
