I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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