And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
try to milk me bitch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
