thus making me awesome and them whores
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
