made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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