Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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