Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
