Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize