I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
