yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
