Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
