Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
