so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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