I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
