she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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