he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize