I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
