oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
