I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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