So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
