areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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