Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
