how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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