I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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