im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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