I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
4 words: hood of his car
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
As shirtless as possible
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize