i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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