i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
