I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
