Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
