What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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