Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
