i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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