Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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