Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
