I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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