you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize