i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
