when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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