you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
