Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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