I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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