I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
