Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
