1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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