it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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