I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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