he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
