Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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