Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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