what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
