If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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