Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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