This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
