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guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
