My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
