I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize