if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
