Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
