Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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