I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
