omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
