im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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