would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
