I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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