When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
