just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
