My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
