I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
