I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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