In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
