I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
