the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
