at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize