their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
