Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
