i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize