her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
