i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
