I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
