i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
