ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it wasn't lemon gatorade
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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